Dear Diary
by Little Strange Alien
Summary: Scully leaves the X-files and Mulder. She realeses her tensions,desires, hopes, and loves through her diary. Mulder tries to cope with her resignation and becomes determined to find her at any cost through his own journal.


Author: Little Strange Alien  
Titile: Dear Diary( A Work In Progress)  
Disclaimers: How I wished they belonged to me but nope last time I checked they belong to CC.. that god of a man who invented Scully and Mulder.Oh and let's stick in 1013 productions.  
Summary: Scully leaves the X-files and Mulder. She realeses her tensions,desires, hopes, and loves through her diary. Mulder tries to cope with her resignation and becomes determined to find her at any cost through his own journal.  
Feedback: Please!! I want to know if this is a bunch of crap or if its somewhat good. If anyone wants me to write more...just email me. Thanx. Here's my email littlealien@kiwibox.com  
thanx again.  
  
Dear Diary  
  
June 21st 2000  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
So here I am on a train to Italy ! Of all places. I don't know what the hell brought me here but I'm here. What have I done? I don't know what I was thinking. I just simply left everything behind ... Mulder... the X-files. I think I've made the biggest mistake of my life. But I just have to be strong... just think that Dana ... you've done it before and you can do it now. I can't turn back now. I swore to myself that I'd make a change and this is the only way I know how ... at least for now . Everything was too much for me. My cancer made me think about life more carefully. I know that there are things that I want to do with my life that I just haven't had the time to do yet. I've always wanted to be a mother but when I found out that I wouldn't be able to concieve any childern it literally tore me up inside even though I never ever let my feelings show, not even to Mulder. I saw how much he longed to comfort me after Emily's death but I was too strong-willed and stubborn to let him. I'd give him my famous "I'm fine" and "Don't worry" lines but the truth was I truly needed him. So time passed and the wounds from Emily's death were starting to heal. I had let myself take care of them on my own without Mulder's help. I was so close to giving into him back then. And now a couple years later, I realised that he was getting too close. It literally terrified me how close he was getting. There would be moments where I would just look into his beautiful charming hazel-green eyes and see the love just reflect off of them. It was incredible. He was the only one I could do that with .... read his mind . I thought to myself "What an intense connection". Sometimes, afterwards I would even have such an intense urgency to just take him in my arms and tell him "I love you too". Of course, not in a million years would I let that actually happen. I value our friendship and I cherich what we have now . Wow... its really raining outside. I don't really mind it anyway I find rain to be peaceful and I love the the soft trickle it makes against my window. What this all comes down to is I left because I want a new beginning for myself. I want to start over fresh. I want to know that I won't be attacked by monsters or that I won't die the next momment. Escaping gunshots... it all came to be too much for me. The only downside to this is that I left behind Mulder without a warning or a "good-bye". The only person I told was Skinner when I turned in my resignation form. He, of course, was surprised by my abrupt decision. I told him that I needed a new life beyond the FBI and he kindly understood. Not even my own mother knew about this but I'd tell her as soon as I got to Italy. Hey, Who am I kidding? There was another reason I left I wanted to run away from my feelings for Mulder. I didn't want to confront them so I just left. So I'm off to Italy where I'm gonig to stay with a few distant relatives for awhile and then I'll get my own place. I'm going to get a job as a doctor. For now, those are my plans. There someone knocking at my door...  
  
Scully  
  
June 22nd 2000  
  
Dear Journal,  
I can't belive this! I just found out that Scully left the Bureau. Skinner told me this morning when I got to my office. When he told me. It shocked me. She never even mentioned anything about leaving. she would have told me. Why did she do this? I will find her. I have to because I don't know if I want to lose her just yet. She needs to know that I love her. That she's everything to me. Why did this have to happen? Everything was going smoothly. Life was normal. Now she does something like this. Just when I thought I was getting really close to her. She was almost ready to let me comfort her pain that she's let grow inside of her over all the years. Now i've missed the chance to make that happen. No way is she leaving me just yet. I'm not gonna let her leave me . I've already let too many people leave me... Samantha, my mom, and my dad. No... not her.. not Scully. She's the one I'm determined to keep. Among all the jewls, she's the diamond i'm not gonna lose. Tommorow I'm gonna try her Mom...maybe I'll find some answers through her. Until then, I'm gonna try and get some sleep if any at all.  
  
Mulder  
  
  
  



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